More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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