i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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