It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
