i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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