I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
