just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
