i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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