Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I need water and some morals
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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