Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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