I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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