its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
