i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
