Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
