Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
