What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
