i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
