you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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