I think my vagina is haunted
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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