Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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