he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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