my vag is so smooth its legendary
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
