Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
