If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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