is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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