I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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