btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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