Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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