that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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