He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
