and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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