My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
