So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
