Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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