ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
