Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
