This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
