3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
