Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
