Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
