btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
