gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
