Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
