Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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