I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
