my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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