You're my little dorito
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
