due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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