do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I will pee on everything he values.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
