Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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