i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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