there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
