I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
