You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
